Ms Cyprah

Q. I like this guy who is my co-employee.. He’s not that good looking, but he’s smart and really sweet to all. Every time he comes to my desk my heart is really happy. I’m afraid of what I really feel for him because it’s been 3 yrs since I haven’t had a boyfriend. My last one left when I was 3 months pregnant and I don’t want to be hurt this time. If I go into a relationship now, I want it to be the last. If I have a relationship this time I would like him to be my husband, who will accept and love my child. Is it okay to say to him that I like him?

A. A question for you: Would you say you were exactly like every other woman out there? If your answer is ‘NO’, why are you judging this new man on the same lines as your ex-boyfriend? Every person is unique and deserves a chance to prove themselves in life before being judged. Secondly, you must move forward from your last relationship and start to think positively, otherwise you will simply get what you expect. For example, if you keep expecting someone to steal from you, they won’t disappoint you in the end! If we expect negative things, that’s all we’ll have too. So move out of your past. That’s gone. Be cautious, by all means, but don’t be paranoid that everyone will want to hurt you.

Life is too short to do nothing about your feelings. You deserve some happiness so, if this guy makes you feel good, just say hello to him without expecting him to marry you! Don’t tell him you like him until you get to know him better. Stop burdening your situation with fearful thoughts of what might happen. You might even die tomorrow, and then? Just take everything in your stride and start a conversation, then let it unfold in front of you. He probably likes you too and just needs an opening, but it also takes time to know someone and their desires. And, if he doesn’t seem to like you the way you like him, no big deal. Someone else will come along soon. Just accept it and wait for Mr Right. If you allow people into your life without pre-judging them, you could be in for some wonderful surprises.

Don’t keep saying what you want from a relationship. That’s how people get hurt by expecting perfection, or expecting people to act to expectations, and human beings do not behave like that. You will just keep getting hurt if you expect only what you want. Just allow any friendship to develop first, then gradually see what happens, or you might frighten guys away by being too intense. The best relationships are not those that we try to control, but those we allow to unfold in their own way. We tend to get what we want not by forcing things, but letting them happen, and often when we least expect it too.

Some of us might die young, but the majority ages. I have to agree with that quote because getting older for me is more important than dying early. I LOVE ageing, and must be the only woman on earth currently enjoying being 60. My latest pics are posted in a recent article on Newsvine (Reasons to be Cheerful).

We age inside our head first through the quality of our thoughts and our body follows. So if we dread ageing, dread our natural evolution, and fear everything to do with advancing gracefully, or disgracefully, we will age very badly, because we cannot get positivity out of negative thoughts. You will get exactly what you think about, so be careful what you dwell on. Many people don’t enjoy the ageing process because they are so busy worrying about getting old, and fearing it, they have no time to appreciate their life in all its amazing forms. But one important thing to note is this: Dead people don’t age. So if you are still alive (one of my sisters died at 36, and both my parents are dead) PLEASE give thanks and appreciate it. Life is not a guarantee, it is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.

So which would you prefer, to be dead or to age? It really is about giving thanks for the life we already have and appreciating the awesome beings we are, rather than just focusing on the perceived negatives of it and being continuously unhappy. We really miss so much of life and our true potential with such a narrow focus. Life goes in a strict cycle. There is birth, growth, maturity, ageing and then we die. That was the deal when we were born, take it or leave it. Many don’t even make it past 40 years and, even worse, young men have the highest suicide rate between ages 24 and 25 in Britain. The best we can do about that gift of life is to appreciate it fully, make the most of each day and leave a legacy for others, rather than merely worrying about ourselves in a selfish way.

Life is a joy and, perhaps because I have a life-threatening illness, I can’t afford the time (or luxury) to worry about getting older. I am just so glad to be still here each morning when I wake up and I am above ground, the feeling is tremendous!