Ms Cyprah

Q. I like this guy who is my co-employee.. He’s not that good looking, but he’s smart and really sweet to all. Every time he comes to my desk my heart is really happy. I’m afraid of what I really feel for him because it’s been 3 yrs since I haven’t had a boyfriend. My last one left when I was 3 months pregnant and I don’t want to be hurt this time. If I go into a relationship now, I want it to be the last. If I have a relationship this time I would like him to be my husband, who will accept and love my child. Is it okay to say to him that I like him?

A. A question for you: Would you say you were exactly like every other woman out there? If your answer is ‘NO’, why are you judging this new man on the same lines as your ex-boyfriend? Every person is unique and deserves a chance to prove themselves in life before being judged. Secondly, you must move forward from your last relationship and start to think positively, otherwise you will simply get what you expect. For example, if you keep expecting someone to steal from you, they won’t disappoint you in the end! If we expect negative things, that’s all we’ll have too. So move out of your past. That’s gone. Be cautious, by all means, but don’t be paranoid that everyone will want to hurt you.

Life is too short to do nothing about your feelings. You deserve some happiness so, if this guy makes you feel good, just say hello to him without expecting him to marry you! Don’t tell him you like him until you get to know him better. Stop burdening your situation with fearful thoughts of what might happen. You might even die tomorrow, and then? Just take everything in your stride and start a conversation, then let it unfold in front of you. He probably likes you too and just needs an opening, but it also takes time to know someone and their desires. And, if he doesn’t seem to like you the way you like him, no big deal. Someone else will come along soon. Just accept it and wait for Mr Right. If you allow people into your life without pre-judging them, you could be in for some wonderful surprises.

Don’t keep saying what you want from a relationship. That’s how people get hurt by expecting perfection, or expecting people to act to expectations, and human beings do not behave like that. You will just keep getting hurt if you expect only what you want. Just allow any friendship to develop first, then gradually see what happens, or you might frighten guys away by being too intense. The best relationships are not those that we try to control, but those we allow to unfold in their own way. We tend to get what we want not by forcing things, but letting them happen, and often when we least expect it too.

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