Ms Cyprah

Q. I love my fiance and want to be with him forever. But the advice I need is to know if it’s normal to think about some of the things I think about. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be single again, to have the excitement to just go and do what I please. The excitement to sleep with whom I want. I wonder if there is someone even better for me out there. These thoughts just crowd me sometimes.

A. If you wonder about being single, it means you need change, or a new challenge, in your life. You are bored with your life and are trying to convince yourself, by saying how much you love your boyfriend, that you are happy. But you clearly are not. When people get together they forget about natural evolution in their lives. We are forever growing, every day, week and month. So the person you were when you met your boyfriend is not the person you are now. You will always need new challenges and stimulation to be a whole person.

Stop resisting that change and seek it. If you are not married, then the whole world is there for you to explore on your terms, not someone else’s. If you do nothing about those feelings, you will regret it. Further down the line, when you are older and things might be much worse, you will wish you had acted! Take note of those thoughts going round in your head. If you were truly happy and secure, they would not be there. It could be that you are simply missing your life with your friends, especially at such a young age, and that can make you wistful.

Perhaps the best thing to do is to start going out, say, once a week with your pals, to give you and your boyfriend some space and not make the relationship so claustrophobic. You probably won’t feel so closed in and will begin to feel that you are not missing out on anything. Then you won’t feel the need to leave your friend in order to feel better. Otherwise you will regret this time of your life as you watch other women having the freedom you are now yearning for. Good luck.