Ms Cyprah

Q. A very good friend suspected that her partner is up to no good. When he had a shower, she looked into his mobile and discovered that he was exchanging saucy picture text messages with some girl. Firstly, do you think its right to touch your partner’s mobile/his things. Secondly, would you forgive him/her?

A. No, not at any time. Just because two people come together in a relationship does not make them clones of each other or make them into a two headed person. They are still individuals deserving of privacy and respect, above all. 


Wherever someone feels the need to search their partner’s things, you will find much distrust, discourtesy, jealousy and insecurity. Yet one cannot be too insecure in a relationship otherwise they gradually become intrusive, interfering, possessive and dictatorial. No one person can ever fulfil everything a partner needs. So the more space couples are given in their relationships to thrive and develop, the better that relationship would be. It allows for breathing room and the person to know that they are not being ’spied upon’. 



So what if he has a few ’saucy’ picture texts? Many women make the mistake of believing that once they marry someone or settle down with them, they can change that person from how they were. But that is pie in the sky hope because marriage or a relationship is not about being a different person, being in a prison or doing things differently. The only new thing required in that relationship are commitment and respect from both partners. If there is full commitment there will be appropriate behaviour between the parties. And if there is respect, there will also be trust, love and appreciation. 



Moreover, would we like someone searching our things behind our back? Once we deny someone else their privacy and respect in a relationship, we are heading for trouble because nothing can survive under possessiveness and insecurity. If you suspect your partner is not being honest, the best thing is communication and discussion, in case something is missing from the partnership. One should always forgive, especially where there has been no direct affair involved. 



More important, a relationship is a two way process. If someone is looking outward, 9 times out of 10, something is missing from the home for that person which is not being addressed. Only facing up to some home truths will change the situation

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